THANK God for Lady Gaga.

In a move that in no way smacks of desperation for attention, Gaga recently launched her much-publicised perfume based on the molecular structure of – wait for it – blood and semen. So far, so savage. Apparently her scent is designed for anyone who wants to smell like an "expensive hooker". Now, I'm all for dreaming big. But I just think some people will object to smelling like a courtesan – however classy.

So has Gaga finally lost it? Is her latest self-immolating quest for unending public attention a step too far? Is she not making a mockery of her following by manipulating teenage girls into coating themselves with the musk of male reproductive fluid? That's not for me to say. What I will say is that a) I hate her; and b) her boundary-shifting expansion of what constitutes artist merchandise paves the way for North Devon's artists to get much more creative and recklessly irresponsible with their own wares. Here are some ideas.

GANG OF THIEVES – Tracksuit range.

Give that in-group gang identity a boost with matching Gang Of Thieves' tracksuits. Customers will also be entered into a prize draw to win vouchers for each of their gang members to get the same curiously shaved haircuts.

EATEN BY SHARKS – Top Trumps.

Put some bite back into boring Sundays with Eaten By Sharks' Top Trumps. Players compare history's worst shark attacks based on Aggression, Bodily Damage, Loss Of Limbs, Duration and Blood Loss. Buy the deluxe edition and get a free exclusive jigsaw where you can try to reassemble the mangled cadaver of a hapless victim.

JACKDAWS – Jackdaws.

What better way to show your affinity for one of North Devon's most promising young bands than with their eponymous bird souvenirs? These live jackdaws have been trained by Terry Nutkins to squawk the entire Jackdaws' repertoire at arbitrary daily intervals and to peck mercilessly at any naysayers. Cage not included.

So there you have it. Thinking up ridiculous merchandise is easy. Having the gall to actually take it to market is quite different.

This week's gigs: North Devon's love affair with acoustic musicians continues at Lilico's with performances from Daniel Adam tonight (Thursday, February 2, 9pm) and Amy Newton with Katie Kerslake (Thursday, February 9, 9pm). Both are free.

Do contact me with your band and gig news in exchange for words at jharp er@c-dm.co.uk