I HAVE ALWAYS rated grey squirrels as bright beasties. Readers with long memories will smile as they recall in that lager advert on TV how one ran, twisted and leapt across a tightroped obstacle course in a determined bid to reach a jawful of peanuts.

But I'm going further than that. Can squirrels read, I wonder?

OK, if they don't figure out English, I'm convinced they are aware that plastic plant labels point their way to all things tasty underneath.

Read this and you may be convinced. Last spring my wife and I noticed about two dozen mauve crocuses dotted around our back lawn.

Before they had time to wilt and fade away, I dug up most of them and popped them into the nearby rockery bank, safe — or so I thought — for a repeat show a year later.

So what's happened this time around? Exactly 30 mauve crocuses are once again adorning that verdant carpet — no yellows, whites, bronzes or bicoloureds, just the lilacs.

And on our rockery I counted just a handful of mauve crocuses, while the golden ones are thriving by the score.

Having noticed how frequently these unpopular North American imports bury all their worldly goods in the grass for later consumption, it occurred to me they must know where to find the juicy crocus corms.

And this they do with consummate ease, taking advantage of the perfect pointer in the shape of the white labels which my wife nicknames mini-tombstones because of their shape.

I would, naturally, be pushing my luck — and my sanity — to suggest that Mr and Mrs Squirrel get together beside these markers, become familiar with the word c-r-o-c-u-s and start digging.

Yet, based on their shrewd and wily persona, there's no reason why they shouldn't link these pieces of plastic with something desirable a few inches into the soil — well within their excavation range.

A similar thing happened a few years ago when I planted 70 anemone corms in the same spot and looked on in disbelief when not a single one put in an appearance — flowers or foliage. Was this the result of another squirrel banquet?

Do the bulbs of lilac crocus varieties, I wonder, taste sweeter or are more squirrel-friendly than others? Are the flowers currently decorating the lawn the legacy of the greys planting them there and forgetting to extract later on for supper?

I'll wager both answers are a resounding Yes. Whatever the outcome, I have to confess I find myself looking over my shoulder for furry friends — or fiends? — each time I push a "tombstone" into the earth.

I would be interested to hear if readers can mirror my crocus experience. Please let me know.

I must add, however, that we have no wish to drive away our family of squirrels. They have been part of our wildlife vista for years and, a couple of years ago, we were fascinated to hear from our neighbour about the antics of mum-squirrel with her babies.

It seems the mother collected a new-born kitten from the field across the road, shimmied up one of our trees that overlooks the neighbour's garden and deposited it into the nest that's been a regular squirrel Shangri-La for several years. Then she ran back across the road, up the wall, into the field, picked up baby No 2 and repeated the routine.

Do these rodents, therefore, give birth away from their drey and transport them to the comfort of home straight afterwards? Nature lovers — it's over to you.